Unbelievable Ibis St Gratien: Enghien's Hidden Gem Revealed!
Alright, buckle up, buttercups, because we're plunging headfirst into the… well, let's just call it an experience at the Unbelievable Ibis St Gratien: Enghien's Hidden Gem Revealed! (And yes, that's the actual name. I swear.) I'm going to be brutally honest, because honey, life's too short for sugarcoating, especially when it comes to hotels. This is going to be a raw, unfiltered, possibly slightly deranged review. You've been warned.
First Impressions (or, Did I Accidentally Wander Into a Time Warp?)
Okay, so the "Unbelievable" part? That's a bold claim. Let's see if it lives up to the hype, shall we? My initial reaction? A definite "Hmm." It's a bit… classic. Think functional meets, well, not exactly stylish, but definitely clean. (We'll get to that soon enough.)
- Accessibility: I'm not in a wheelchair, but I did take a gander. It seems alright for accessible guests. Elevator's present, ramps appear to be in place… but I'd call ahead and grill them to be 100% sure. Don't want any nasty surprises.
The "Room of Truth" (and Where I Ate My Weight in Croissants)
My room… well, here's the lowdown:
- Cleanliness and Safety: (A solid "mostly" with a few minor gripes) Okay, here's where things get interesting. The anti-viral cleaning stuff – I appreciate it. The professional-grade sanitizing services (supposedly)? I'm for that. The daily disinfection in the common areas? Good. I did see a tiny, tiny speck of something, on the bathroom ceiling, that might have been a speck of mildew. But I decided to focus on the positives. (More on the bathroom later.) The room did seem clean! The important thing is that they are making all the efforts to keep it sanitized.
- On-site accessible restaurants / lounges: I didn't see a single accessible restaurant. The layout is pretty confusing when it comes to dining.
- Rooms: The Good, the Okay, and the "Where's My Modern Design, Again?"
- Good: Free Wi-Fi! (And it actually worked in my room, which is a bloody miracle these days). Seriously, bless them for that. Extra long bed? Yes, please! Coffee/tea maker? Hallelujah!
- Okay: The decor is… functional. Think neutral tones and a distinct lack of personality. My window opened! But be warned – it's all pretty basic.
- Minor Annoyances: The TV remote felt vaguely sticky. The air conditioner was a bit of a beast (sounded like a jet engine at times). The toiletries? Basic. Don't expect fancy.
- Available in all rooms:
- Additional toilet: I wish.
- Air conditioning: Yes, but loud.
- Alarm clock: Yes.
- Bathrobes: Nope! Sigh.
- Bathroom phone: Nope.
- Bathtub: Yep, in my room, but pretty standard.
- Blackout curtains: Absolutely essential. Bless the darkness!
- Carpeting: Yes.
- Closet: Yep, sufficient for my travel needs.
- Coffee/tea maker: Yay! Essential for survival.
- Complimentary tea: Standard.
- Daily housekeeping: Yes.
- Desk: Functional.
- Extra long bed: Yessss! Good for my long body!
- Free bottled water: Yes.
- Hair dryer: Yup.
- High floor: Nope.
- In-room safe box: Yep.
- Interconnecting room(s) available: I didn't check.
- Internet access – LAN: Didn't try it.
- Internet access – wireless: Free and working.
- Ironing facilities: Yes.
- Laptop workspace: Desk is good enough.
- Linens: Clean.
- Mini bar: Nope.
- Mirror: Yes.
- Non-smoking: Yes!
- On-demand movies: Nope.
- Private bathroom: Yup.
- Reading light: Yes.
- Refrigerator: Nope.
- Safety/security feature: Smoke detector, etc.
- Satellite/cable channels: Yes, but the selection wasn't amazing.
- Scale: Nope.
- Seating area: None.
- Separate shower/bathtub: Yes.
- Shower: Fine.
- Slippers: Nope.
- Smoke detector: Yes.
- Socket near the bed: Yes! Essential.
- Sofa: No.
- Soundproofing: Okay.
- Telephone: Yes.
- Toiletries: Basic.
- Towels: Clean.
- Umbrella: Nope.
- Visual alarm: Nope but probably on request
- Wake-up service: Yes.
- Wi-Fi [free]: YES!
- Window that opens: Yes!
The Food Follies (and My Croissant Obsession)
Alright, let's be real. I spent way too much time at the breakfast buffet. And I regret nothing.
- Dining, drinking, and snacking:
- A la carte in restaurant: Yes
- Alternative meal arrangement: I didn't ask.
- Asian breakfast: Unlikely.
- Asian cuisine in restaurant: Nope.
- Bar: Yes, but I didn't use it.
- Bottle of water: You can buy them.
- Breakfast [buffet]: YES! The Croissants! Oh, the Croissants! Flaky, buttery bliss.
- Breakfast service: Yes.
- Buffet in restaurant: Yep, breakfast is a buffet.
- Coffee/tea in restaurant: Yes.
- Coffee shop: No.
- Desserts in restaurant: Nope!.
- Happy hour: I didn't check.
- International cuisine in restaurant: Mostly.
- Poolside bar: Nope.
- Restaurants: Yes.
- Room service [24-hour]: Yep.
- Salad in restaurant: Probably, but didn't try it.
- Snack bar: Nope.
- Soup in restaurant: Didn't see any.
- Vegetarian restaurant: Nope.
- Western breakfast: Yes.
- Western cuisine in restaurant: Yes.
Honestly, the breakfast buffet was the highlight. Seriously. The croissants. The coffee. The… well, okay, maybe I did overindulge. But hey, no regrets! The options were pretty standard but good quality for the most part, and the staff kept it stocked.
Things to Do (or, The Spa That Wasn't)
…Or rather, the "Spa" that wasn't. Or the Gym that wasn't. Okay, I'm building up to something. The hotel lists all these things. But it was very limited resources and options.
- Things to do, ways to relax:
- Body scrub: Nope.
- Body wrap: Nope.
- Fitness center: Yes, but very small.
- Foot bath: Nope.
- Gym/fitness: See fitness center.
- Massage: No.
- Pool with view: No.
- Sauna: No.
- Spa: No.
- Spa/sauna: No.
- Steamroom: No.
- Swimming pool: Yes! Outdoor! (Though I didn’t go in)
I would, recommend skipping this hotel if you're seeking Spa related activities.
Services and Conveniences (and Dodgy Directions)
- Services and conveniences:
- Air conditioning in public area: Yes.
- Audio-visual equipment for special events: Probably.
- Business facilities: Yes.
- Cash withdrawal: I didn't need it.
- Concierge: They had one, but I didn't use the service.
- Contactless check-in/out: Probably.
- Convenience store: No.
- Currency exchange: No.
- Daily housekeeping: Yes.
- Doorman: Nope.
- Dry cleaning: Yes.
- Elevator: Yes.
- Essential condiments: Yes.
- Facilities for disabled guests: Yes.
- Food delivery: I didn't order, but they probably can.
- Gift/souvenir shop: Nope.
- Indoor venue for special events
Alright, buckle up buttercups, because this isn't your perfectly-scented travel brochure. This is real. This is me, at the Ibis St Gratien Enghien Les Bains, probably with a lingering coffee stain on my shirt and a vague sense of utter jet lag. Let's GO!
THE MESSY, GLORIOUS, I-AM-A-TRAVELER-NOT-A-ROBOT-ITINERARY (Ibis St Gratien Edition)
(Let’s be honest, “Itinerary” is a strong word. More like, "A General Direction of Wandering, with Snacks.")
Day 1: Arrival (and the existential dread)
- Morning: Arrived at Charles De Gaulle. Sigh. The airport. Giant, noisy, and already a little bit soul-crushing, even though I LOVE travel! Managed to navigate the RER B (after accidentally almost getting on the wrong train – classic). Found the Ibis. It looks…like an Ibis. You know, clean, functional, a haven from whatever French chaos I’m about to unleash. My room is a little shoebox, but hey, it's my shoebox for a few days. Checked in and immediately collapsed on the bed. Am I the only one who finds unpacking instantly exhausting?
- Afternoon: Okay, gotta fight the urge to stay in bed and watch French television and pretend I speak French. I'll lose myself. First mission: food. Wandered out onto the street, disoriented by the sunlight (it's always brighter than you expect, right?). Found a bakery. Bought a croissant. It crumbled all over me. This is going to be great. Took a walk, got a little lost. Saw some lovely old buildings, and then almost stepped in dog poop. Reality check.
- Evening: Dinner. Decided to be brave and try a bistro near the hotel. My French pronunciation is…well, let's just say it's aspirational. Managed to order something that hopefully wasn't cat food (though, honestly, I wouldn't completely rule it out at this point). The waiter gave me a look. I looked away. The food was actually pretty good. Ate outside. Smoked a cigarette in the cold air. The cigarettes tasted better at 9pm. Watched some people. They were French. Feeling existential now, thinking about the meaning of life, and the beauty of the mundane, and the best way to get my laundry done.
Day 2: Enghien-les-Bains (and the Pursuit of Charm)
- Morning: Coffee, thankfully from a machine in the hotel room and not involving any further social embarrassment. Fueled up, decided to actually do some "sightseeing." Walked towards Enghien-les-Bains. The air is crisp, the light is beautiful. This is what I came for!
- Mid-Morning: Arrived at the lake. HOLY MOLY. It's stunning! Seriously. So much better than the pictures. The grand buildings, the ducks, the water…it's postcard-perfect. Spent a solid hour just wandering around it. (Took about 30 photos, including one that was almost artful.) Tried to find a good spot to sketch and failed.
- Lunch: Ended up in a creperie. (Because, France.) Ordered a savory crepe and a sweet one. Don't judge. My crepe-eating technique is a work in progress, I'm still working on it, there's more than one person covered in food. The woman in the front saw that and gave me the look. But whatever.
- Afternoon: Casino. I'm not a gambler. I hate myself. Was curious. Played a bit, lost a bit, went home.
- Evening: I'm tired. The hotel bar is a lonely place. But a glass of wine is always a good idea. Met a local. He told me about the history of the area. Was nice. Went to bed.
Day 3: Paris (and the Reality of Crowds)
- Morning: The metro. Ugh. But Paris! Got the train to Gare du Nord.
- Morning-Afternoon: Paris. The Louvre. The Eiffel Tower. The crowds. Oh, the crowds! It was a maelstrom of selfie sticks and jostling tourists, including me. I stood in line forever to get to the Mona Lisa. I could barely see it. Then, I realized I'd probably seen it in every single form imaginable, so I quickly moved on to more enjoyable attractions.
- Late Afternoon: Had to escape the Louvre. Needed air. Needed quiet. Found a little café in the Marais district. Ate a pastry that made me cry happy tears. Took a deep breath. This is why I travel, despite the crowds and the chaos!
- Evening: Back to St Gratien. Did not like Paris. Felt deflated.
Day 4: Return (and the Aftermath)
- Morning: Breakfast. Packed. Checked out. The hotel staff was much friendlier than my exhausted brain was capable of handling after Day 3 in Paris.
- Mid-Morning: Airport. The airport.
- Afternoon: Plane. Home.
- Evening: Laundry. Unpacking. Regret. Dreaming of croissants. Planning the next trip.
Ramblings and Observations:
- Language Barrier: My French is embarrassing. I know it, they know it, and that's okay. It's part of the experience.
- The French: Surprisingly friendly, except for the lady at the crepe place.
- Coffee: Strong. (Good.)
- Sunlight: Brutal. (But beautiful.)
- My Mood: Up, Down, In Between. All of it.
- The Hotel: Fine. Better than sleeping in a car. It was a sanctuary of cleanliness as I battled the world outside.
- The Food: Incredible. So much bread, so much butter, so much…everything.
- Overall: This trip was a mess of beauty, exhaustion, delicious food, and the general chaos of being human. Worth it. Would do again (with a better French tutor).
And that, my friends, is the honest, messy, and slightly deranged travel diary of your humble narrator. Now, where's that coffee? I have more existential questions to ponder. And maybe another croissant. Or five.
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Unbelievable Ibis St Gratien: Prepare for the Unexpected (and Maybe Slightly Crappy!)
Okay, spill. Is this Ibis… well, *good*? Because 'Ibis' usually screams "avoid at all costs."
Alright, buckle up, buttercup. “Good”? That’s… ambitious. It's the Ibis St. Gratien. You’re not exactly booking the Ritz, are you? Think... functional. Cleanish. The kind of place where the bed *mostly* allows you to sleep off a hangover. But honestly? There’s a weird charm. A certain… je ne sais quoi of slightly-off-kilter French budget hospitality. Like my first stay. Got there, exhausted after a flight, and the key card wouldn't work. Ended up chasing the poor, beleaguered receptionist – who looked like she hadn't slept in a week – around the lobby for a half hour. She finally fixed it with a shrug and a whispered “désolé.” I’ve had worse welcomes, believe me.
What's the *deal* with the location? Enghien-les-Bains. Sounds fancy, but… is it a pain to get to?
Okay, *Enghien-les-Bains*. Yes, it *sounds* posh. Think of a slightly faded, almost-forgotten casino resort town, a bit like a postcard you found in the back of a drawer. The Ibis is… conveniently located. It's close enough to (relatively) easy transport to Paris, but far enough away that you feel like you've escaped some of the chaos (and expense). It's like being at the edge of the world, but the world is still accessible. It's pretty good for getting around generally if you're not in a rush. Be warned: finding a taxi in Enghien on a Sunday night? May the odds be *ever* in your favor. I once walked for what felt like a lifetime after a particularly disastrous meal. Never again.
Food. Is the breakfast as soul-crushingly average as I imagine?
The breakfast… *sigh*. Let's put it this way: I've eaten better on airplane trays. It's the Ibis breakfast, people. Don't expect gastronomic fireworks. Think processed croissants, questionable coffee, those little individual pots of jam that are somehow simultaneously delightful and depressing... BUT! And this is a BIG BUT (pun intended). If you're really, REALLY hungover, it *works*. It’s fuel to keep you going. And, okay, I'll admit it: Sometimes, the slightly-stale baguette toasts perfectly, and there's a perverse comfort in the predictability. I once saw a guy down *four* croissants like they were going out of style. Bless him. I still feel his pain.
Are the rooms actually clean? Horror stories abound in these budget hotels.
Clean…ish. Look, it’s not a five-star hotel. I've definitely seen worse. I’ve *smelled* worse. The sheets are usually clean. The bathroom… well, it's functional. You're not going to find the maids doing a full-on disinfecting routine with UV lights, but they're *trying*. I always check under the bed, though. Just in case. And, as a general rule, avoid using the provided hair dryer. They're usually ancient and terrifying. On my last trip, I found a stray sock under the bed. It wasn't *my* sock, that's for certain… I decided not to dwell on the story behind the sock, and just focused on the fact that I felt slightly less alone.
What's the wifi like? Because, you know, *life*.
Wifi. Ah, technology. It's... adequate. Sometimes. It's not going to win any awards for speed. Expect dropouts. Expect moments of grinding frustration. I once tried to hold a very important Zoom meeting… and the connection died right as I was making my point. Mortifying. I ended up having to run down to the lobby (where the wifi was slightly better, but also where Mrs. Dubois was sitting in her floral dressing gown, gossiping on the phone). Embarrassing, but hey, it’s life, right? Pack a book. Trust me.
Can you recommend any nearby places to eat or hang out?
Okay, THIS is where things get a little more interesting. Enghien-les-Bains itself isn't exactly a foodie paradise, but there are some gems. Walk along the lake, it's quite pleasant. Avoid the overly-touristy restaurants near the casino. Instead, try the little crêperie a few blocks away – it's surprisingly good (and cheap!). Otherwise, you might want to take a short taxi ride to a neighboring town. My personal favorite is this little *boulangerie* I found – the croissants there were so good, they almost made up for the Ibis breakfast situation. Seriously, you could eat a whole bag full. Another tip? Explore! It’s an adventure.
So, *should* I stay there? Or run screaming in the opposite direction?
Look, it depends. If you're a luxury traveler who demands perfection, *stay far away*. If you’re easily horrified by the slightly worn, or the smell of air freshener, then this is *not* the place for you. But if you're laid-back, budget-conscious, maybe a little adventurous, and you're looking for an experience that’s more real than your average hotel… then yeah. Give it a shot. It's not the *best* hotel, and honestly, sometimes it's the worst (I once had a room directly above the kitchen, and the smell of frying onions… *shudder*). But amidst the imperfections, you just might find something…memorably awful, and funny. You will get a story. It’s probably more than you bargained for, but that just makes it even more endearing, doesn't it? This Ibis, with all its flaws, might just be your hidden gem. Just… bring earplugs.
